Are you ready for one of the longest Chuck Norris jokes ever written?
Cripes, here goes…
Many scientists have been under the impression that global warming has been the leading cause behind the melting ice glaciers in our polar caps since around 1958. Coincidentally, that also happened to be around the exact same time that the now legendary martial artist known as Carlos Ray “Chuck” Norris began his martial arts training at the age of 18, in Tang Soo Do, which is a Korean martial art combing the disciplines of Shotokan karate and Shaolin kung-fu.
More recent studies are now indicating that the “melting” effect has not been caused by carbon dioxide emissions, methane, nitrous oxide, deforestation, or the erosion of permafrost as previously suspected.
The real cause?
…wait for it…
A deceptively warm global-sized breeze created solely by the continuous and powerful round house kicks by none other than…you guessed it…the man himself…Chuck Norris.
[SILENCE]
Hey, I didn’t promise it was going to be funny but with that being said, you really can’t argue with science.
So how exactly would a legend like Chuck Norris (1969) fare against some of our more beloved UFC Hall of Fame Superstars? Perhaps a fight against Chuck Liddell who also happens to be an American Kempo/Koei-Kan karate kickboxer (with a record of 20 wins and 2 losses) would be a good way to find out?
And don’t get me wrong, I really like the new Chuck, but to be perfectly honest, I just couldn’t bring myself to watch him dance. I’m referring to the Chuck that we all love and respect – the year was 2006. You had pimples.
[INSERT FLASHBACK MEMORY]
Back in 1969, when Chuck Norris was in the prime of his fighting career, he was more than just a promising, young action movie and television star with concrete fists of fury. He was a full-fledged, honest to goodness, full-contact kickboxer, long before the UFC days were ever introduced.
And he was the best.
In 1969, Chuck Norris had won Karate’s Triple Crown for the most tournament wins of the year, and the Fighter of the Year award by Black Belt Magazine.
By 1974, Chuck Norris retired with a karate record of 183 wins and only 10 losses (the final loss occurring in 1968). He was the professional Middleweight Karate Champion who remained unbeaten for over 6 consecutive years.
“I thought that I could defend my title again in 1975 at the age of 35 and win my seventh consecutive year, but then again I could probably lose, so I decided to retire as an undefeated champion. To this day I am considered one of the top fighters of all time. If I had fought and lost, that may not have been the case,” Chuck Norris has said.
We all know Chuck Liddell is one of the most devastating punchers in all of history. Well, I guess truthfully we would have no way of knowing that for sure, but it sounds cool. Plus, he’s probably pretty close. In fact, come to think of it, I’ll bet that you couldn’t say for certain that any one person in the history of this planet has ever hit harder than the “Iceman”. Well I know of one.
His name is Chuck Norris.
[GASP]
Now I ask you, if Chuck Norris could single-handedly devastate our wretched little planet with one full sweep of his enormous tree trunk-sized leg – what possible chance would Chuck Liddell (circa 2006) have?
I suspect that it wouldn’t take very long for the “Iceman” to become nothing more than a “Puddleboy”.
Cheers
“The melting of ice requires the addition of heat in order to liberate the water molecules that are tied up together in the form of ice. By adding heat the molecules increase their motion allowing them to break out from the bonds (called Hydrogen bonds) keeping them together. The result is the liquid form of ice: water. Blowing air to ice may result in an increase of the temperature near the ice surface therefore allowing the ice to melt faster than if no air were being blown at it.”
For those who believe that Chuck Liddell would be victorious please view the piece by Robert Gardner.
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/296785-time-…
Freaking great!
LOL James, this is just what we all need, a good laugh. This is a fight I would love to see. How about Bruce Lee vs. Royce Gracie, both in their prime. That would be another great fight. Keep up the good work!
Good stuff. I wonder how Norris would fare in MMA had he given it a shot.
Is his fighting league still around, used to be on T.V. all the time. There were some intense KO's from crazy karate kicks.
Chuck Norris was pretty good with wrestling and jiu-jitsu as well. Norris could have been a contender, I think he is better than Frank Shamrock. Bruce Lee could have beat Jens Pulver.
very cool piece
Norris is a master, loved his early work in old martial arts films
Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee could have beaten them all as well
Nice work, I like the concept.
I think Liddell would win, but it would be close… I don't think Norris was pushing down the earth with his pushups in 69. lol
Im so sorry it took me so long to get to this. Good good stuff. A small group of friends and I were infected with roundhouse syndrome and couldnt quit searching for the funniest norris fact, they are not jokes they are facts. I have since sought medical help and had to spend time “away at school' in a small rubber room to regain a shell of the man I once was. Now you have sent me into complete relapse and I fear I shall never be the same. Great read, I cant wait to see the other one.
[...] Oh wait…that was Chuck Norris. [...]
[...] Time Warp Battle: 1969 Chuck Norris would Melt the “Iceman” of 2006 [...]
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