Dear “Old Farts” in the UFC,
As a famous athlete, I know that you may naively think that how you live your own life is no one else’s business, but on behalf of all ‘loyal’ UFC and MMA fans, I feel that I have an obligation and a right to express (and influence) any concern that I may feel about how you should choose to exist on this planet.
You say that you are in the best shape of your life? So what? Didn’t you get the memo? Dude – you’re old.
You are not currently the Champion and I am not at all convinced that you will ever be able to compete at the highest level in this sport again – despite still being better than 95% of the fighters that are out there today (but if you do become the Champ, don’t worry, I will be back on my bandwagon cheering you on and telling everyone else “I told you so! I told you he was the best!”).
First off, let me dispel any myth that you may have about yourself. You are not as old as you feel – you are worthless beyond a pre-determined point in your life that society decides that they no longer have a use for you. In the case of a professional contact fighter, I would say 36 is the maximum age limit. Nope – make that 35.
Second, stop messing with my memories. I have invested countless hours eating potato chips in front of my television worshipping the ground that you walk(ed) on. Why are you purposely trying to ruin that? Who do you think you are?!
Third, your involvement in any competitive and professional sport is offensive to us all. You have already had your chance to live the dream that many of us would never have the courage or skill level to pursue. Your happiness insults me.
Lastly, I am not here to be entertained. I take MMA extremely seriously and although I have an inferiority complex about my sport and I am completely insecure about myself, I trust in my heart that the ‘powers that be’ are incredibly committed to making MMA a ‘legitimate’ sport in the eyes of the entire world. Since day one, it’s never been about the money!
OMG, this just in… did somebody say that ex-NFLer, Herschel Walker is planning to try his hand at MMA at the age of 47? Is he insane?!!
Just because it has always been a dream of his to ‘try it’, that doesn’t give him the right to upset the ‘pure’ fans by bringing his football career into the ring. He has established himself as an elite athlete in another sport. Shouldn’t that be enough to satisfy him for the whole remainder of his life? Selfish.
Even worse, if Herschel fails to win a championship, how will he ever get over the shame of ‘trying his best’? He should stop wasting everyone’s time (especially mine) and just give up before he even starts. After all, that’s how I’ve lived my life and I’ve got no complaints. Look at me…I get to observe and criticize others for having the talent and courage to attempt things in their life that I couldn’t possibly imagine.
I find it astonishing that you must think that you still have some level of value in our society. Why don’t you just ‘play ball’ like every other retired athlete and let us worship you from afar, up high on the pedestal that we have built for you, for accomplishments that fail to define your worth as a man.
Thanks for understanding. Good luck collecting dust.
James “Petty and Jealous” Ryan
PS Sorry if this is too ‘in your face’, but I say; “To each his own. Do what you want. Mind your own business. If you don’t like it – too bad for you.”
Next time, I’ll try to be more diplomatic.